just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
