I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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