Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
