So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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