so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
