I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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