there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm going to jail i love you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
