My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
