dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize