i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
