I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
