I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
