i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
