I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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