Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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