I smell stomach acid.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
