she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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