Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You made out with two different species that night
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
