im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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