mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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