I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize