While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
