4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
