Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
