I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
