I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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