when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
