it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
