There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
