Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
