Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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