If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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