the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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