are you still at the devil's house?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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