I showed him my bush... on skype.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize