you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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