New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So much Jack, so little girl.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
