Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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