Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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