on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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