I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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