Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
