White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
