I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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