"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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