my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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