Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
