Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
