dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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