the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize