so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
