this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
