my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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