Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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