Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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