I just threw up on my dentist
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
