I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
