remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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