Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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