Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
