It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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