I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
