Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize