The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
