Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
