remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
