The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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