haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
