I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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