We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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