I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
