I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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