I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
