My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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