Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you still have your period?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I want is dick and wine.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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