i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
