1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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