he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
