Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
