I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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