I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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