if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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