Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
