you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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