Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
