This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
