are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
