I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
