I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
