MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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