I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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