I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize