wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't put those talents on a resume
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize