At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
