ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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