Your mouth is God's brothel.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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