I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I currently don't understand fingers.
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