Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
