k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
