Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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